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May 22 2007, 4:23 am / Don't know

hello,summer is coming and with the new growth comes fear for me.im terrified of the festivals,partys etc cos i see them as the most likely places for a relapse into old SH habits.when i was sectioned it followed 1999 new years eve huhah.i was doing excessive amounts of drugs and drink,my daughter(dawn)was born and died,and my life was a mess.i tried to hurt myself alot,but it wasnt calming the savage beast in my head.and there was nothing that my 3 personalitys could do to stop my downward spiral.
so i ended up in hospital for most of 2000,and when i left i started to avoid the places and events i most feared.ive been doing pretty good at that,i moved to the other end of the country and lost contact with many aquaintances.but now i live (since xmas )back in cornwall.my goddess Lucy is in to free parties and festivals and i wish to be by her side,but i must also feel worried.it seems sensible to realise these dangerous situations,but do i go armed with my fear,or do i avoid them.its real tricky and if anyones been in a similar situation id love to hear from you.ive talked to Lucy about some of my fears and social anxietys,but how much can you risk telling???????????HELP


My Comments

From: shutup_caf
Jul 27 2008, 4:51 am
i have quite bad social anxiey and im only 16 but at the age where most of my friends are out partying and going to all these free festivals like you described and as much as i really want to go to them, everytime i force myself to go i end up feeling really panicky and like id rather be anywhere but there. i guess it depends who you are with...i have a really close friend who also has social anxiety so when i go with her i feel a bit more at ease because she understands what i dont want to do and so i dont have to worry about being pressured to do something that most people would consider fun, but that i consider really scary! i guess you could try going if you feel comfortable with it, because ive found often when im scared of going places its because in my head ive made the idea of going 10x worse than it actually is, and when i get there its often not as bad as ive imagined. but then its totally up to you, if youve tried telling Lucy about some of your fears then i can imagine she will be more understanding of not pushing you in at the deep end if you do go out! i suppose you could always give it a try and go to one free festival or something but if you know from previous experience that you wont enjoy it all then to be honest, i would avoid it. anyway, i agree with what you said about how much can you risk telling...i just tell people as much as im comfortable with because there is so much stuff that only i know and even though its hard, i actually feel better keeping it to myself than telling anyone. but if you ever have stuff that you need to get off your chest...i guess thats what we are here for! all the best :)

shutup_caf


From: Kimber
May 22 2007, 4:37 am
I have never been in your kind of situtation, but I do pray for you. You have so many wounds that needs to heal and I pray that God will give you the grace and determination to move forward and begin to heal.                                   Best wishes to you and lots of hugs!

Kimber