Anxiety

I feel like a turtle, slowly poking my head out of my shell, seeing if everything is alright when you e-mail me back, but then when I receive something from you, I totally know that I need to pull away and tuck myself inside my shell quickly before it leads to hurt.  

I have days and moments, where I think that it would be wonderful to see you and then once again there are days where I am not yet, ok. There are times where I wish that you could be a part of my life, that we could share things again, but things will never, ever be the same as they once were.  You will never love me and I will never Love you.  Yet, I loved so many things about you and this is just a difficult time where I need to be alone.  I miss you, oh so much, like every day. I wish they did not play songs on the radio of bands that we both liked. I wish that the top 40 artists would change.  Coldplay, still remains popular as ever, Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy.  I just pray to God that these things would not remind me of you, so much.  I hope that there will be a time where we can be friends. I'm not even sure of this anymore. Me accepting you with someone else and you talking about that with me, I'm unsure that I will ever be able to accept that.  It is like torture to my soul.