Anxiety

Well, let´s see if I remember the last session, hmm. I told her I was having a bad time, I was sad, anxious, unsatisfied, reasons being that I am expecting the dentist to call me for a check up, my sister and her daughters are coming from Sweden and I was sitting inside in anxiety waiting to be shocked by the doorbell. I told her about my experience with the dentist who had drilled me last two times without being able to numb me, she told me to get another one and I will if this happens again and will complain which I didn´t the last time. She wants me to call him and go for the check up instead of waiting anxiously for the call. She adviced me to invite my relatives to visit and offer them something from the bakery, "you have to do something for others sometimes you know" that´s what she said, I´m not gonna do that, I just don´t know how to act in such visits. She told me I was full of selfhate, was my worst critic by far which I see now is true. She gave me a whole seminar folder about low selfesteem. I was having a hard time with my hair, on the verge of not being able to leave my home. She took a look and told me nothing was wrong with it, it´s not vanity, it´s this BDD thing. Told me I looked normal but no matter how many times I hear that I always think the opposite. I told her I often went over the past and checked that I had experience and had done things people normally do, she asked why, I said just to feel like I´m normal, she said you do alot of things that are normal and pointed out things like living alone, showering, cooking... I was meaning social life, work, relationships. I said I had such a big head hehe, like 2-3 times larger than others, she then told me Einstein had a very big head and was thought to be retarded when young. I told her that some professionals thought that about me when I was 2 years old, she didn´t say much about that, she did say that all the pain and neglect from when I came into this world till I was 5 years old caused extreme damage to me, we all hear how important those first years are. I think that era changed me so all the other things came because of that and caused a chain reaction, not lucky with parents. She said she knew she was causing me anxiety, we wouldn´t be doing some drastic changes with each session, but what we had to do was push myself one step farther then I dare. We are gonna get an appointment with the skin doctor, the exem has been good for over three months now, the bleeding I spoke of was just two times, not a big deal. She complemented me how well I was doing in this therapy. She also said meds don´t do very much, I feel anxiety and everything strongly although I am on 5 different meds. Of course meds just diminish symptoms, don´t take them away, she said I just have to face my anxiety, exposure therapy. I think I would be alot worse though if I had not these meds. She said "we have to make you more disciplined", so have a routine, eat, sleep at the right times and do something, more movement. And she mentioned, "well you went to the nature concert, that´s normal". She went over what we have overcome in these months and yes we have had big victories. I can go outside, to the movies, to concerts, my exem is almost gone, my worst ocd is gone, many other ocds are gone, I can go to coffeehouses, take the bus and more. She told me that often roleplay is used in psychology and we would be doing that soon, good practice for the real thing, I said I was anxious going out for dinner with the whole family and order from the waitor, she stood up and wrote down food I was supposed to order and it took me a couple of minutes to say something, I just locked, was the weirdest thing but I managed to order from her lol. 

Call the dentist, make an appointment.

Go after the directions for the exem exactly, don´t check it.

Have breakfast.

Wake up in the morning between 10-12.

Eat regularly.